Children, Confusion..

So for those who don't know, I am a single mom. This isn't the path I chose to go down. Things just simply didn't work out between my sons dad and I. Being a single mom, especially the main parent is hard. Some days harder then others. However, I wouldn't change having my son for anything , anyone or any situation in this world. I love my son more then words could explain. I am lucky that my son does have a daddy who is wonderful to him when he's with him. His dad and I don't always see eye to eye but that's okay. I know in the end us not being together is better for my son in the long run. I feel like a better person in some ways now. Maybe one day I'll go into the reasoning's behind all of that.

So this evening my son and I went over to a close friends for our kids to play together. Her son is almost 2 while her daughter turned 3 back in January. My son will be 3 in June so they relate to each other well. I offered to babysit for her and her husband so they could have some time away.

I love kids. They are precious and innocent. I love watching my son play with other kids. I always thought I would have 2-4 kids. However, after things not working out between my sons dad and I. I'm not sure I could deal with that pain again of having a child with someone and it not working. Plus I don't ever want my son to think he was the reason for us splitting the family. Or wonder why can my brother or sisters dad and my mom be together but not my dad and mom. I kinda came from a broken home. My mother and father were never really together, together. But for the most part my grandparents raised me. My grandparents have been married for over 50 years now. She was 13 and he was 15 when they first met at a football game. They've had ups and downs like every marriage but they still got that fairytale in the end.

As my son gets older, I have thought about looking into adoptions, foster parenting, etc. I know that it does not have to take 2 parents to raise a child. All it takes is 1 mom or dad to care and want the best for their child.

I see my friends two little ones playing with one another. It's sweet how they help each other do little things. My son would be a great big brother. However, I don't know if I'll ever be able to give him that special bond between siblings. So maybe one day I'll fall in love with someone and will decide to have a baby. Maybe one day I'll only have more kids by being a step mom. Maybe I'll be a foster parent or adopt a child. Or maybe my son will be the only child I'm blessed to have. I guess, I just hate not knowing, not having a definite idea of what I want. Most of my friends know either yes they want more kids in their family, no kids aren't for them, the babies they have are enough for them,etc. I just hope whatever our future brings, is best for my son.

I hope some day, I can have my fairytale.